Sometimes I drink beer with a .doc open
One of those days you slosh around in
Like a barrel. Up there’s sky some shade of sad.
Here is you in your small box of nerves. Oh
I forgot I was writing this down,
Guys, I forgot I was moving my hands.
In Russia there’s a river I grew old beside.
I couldn’t stop coming back to see myself
Worsen. No, that’s not it—I lost a love there,
Returned to hear the ripping sound
Of water running away from its banks.
Water runs away from itself. We know
Where we are, because that’s where
We aren’t. In a booth at that smelly bar
Someone said “What a mistake to think
Who you are with people is who you are”
So ever since every corner I turn I think
“If that’s not me then there I am.” Too bad
Everyone can’t be as lovely and as sad.
The barrel I live in smells of mildew and sex,
Yesterday’s milk souring someone else’s mouth,
Somebody’s mother with sweat on her lip.
The secret I don’t tell? I sing myself to sleep
With a chorus: You’re the one that no one
Can desire! In dreams I scamper at the edges,
Invisible, harmless, black heart on fire.